Thanking works because it expresses one of our most basic emotions: gratitude. Not an abstraction, gratitude is a genuine emotion. It cannot be exacted or forced. You either feel it or you don’t. Yet, when someone does something nice for you, they expect gratitude and they think less of you for withholding it. Think about the last time you gave someone a gift. If they didn’t say thank you, how did you feel about them? Great person? Or ungrateful S.O.B.?
Thanks Marshal. We practice something similar in our leadership group. One "I really like it when you..." and one "I wish you would not..." and the only thing we are allowed to say in response is "Thank you for your feedback". It has helped encourage honesty and vulnerability. I have struggled with the compliment take back too. I had a co-worker explain to me that when I down play or conditionalize a compliment I am taking away from their sincere intentions to honor me. That one stuck with me. I can honor them by responding "Thank you". Like you stated, "Two Magic Words" Re, Mark
"Thank you Marshall" for this piece. It brought back memories of a mutual friend of ours, Warren Bennis.
I remember one occasion where he gave me a wonderful compliment, that felt special coming from someone who I respected so much. After he told me, I didn't say, "Thank you." Instead, I felt embarrassed, awkward and sought to deflect from it with some (probably disingenuous) self-deprecating comment, such as: "Oh that's okay, you don't have to say that, yada, yada, yada."
Warren then said to me, "Mark, when someone gives you a sincere compliment, there are two words and only two words that you should say when you receive it. And those two words are, 'Thank you.' When you try to deflect from it, you're going to make the other person regret having given you that compliment and they're not going to want to give you another one."
His input was more of mild rebuke than it was a compliment, but I found it so helpful I said in response, "Warren, I have two words to say to you for that helpful coaching and those two words are, 'Thank you.'"
Thanks Marshal. We practice something similar in our leadership group. One "I really like it when you..." and one "I wish you would not..." and the only thing we are allowed to say in response is "Thank you for your feedback". It has helped encourage honesty and vulnerability. I have struggled with the compliment take back too. I had a co-worker explain to me that when I down play or conditionalize a compliment I am taking away from their sincere intentions to honor me. That one stuck with me. I can honor them by responding "Thank you". Like you stated, "Two Magic Words" Re, Mark
"Thank you Marshall" for this piece. It brought back memories of a mutual friend of ours, Warren Bennis.
I remember one occasion where he gave me a wonderful compliment, that felt special coming from someone who I respected so much. After he told me, I didn't say, "Thank you." Instead, I felt embarrassed, awkward and sought to deflect from it with some (probably disingenuous) self-deprecating comment, such as: "Oh that's okay, you don't have to say that, yada, yada, yada."
Warren then said to me, "Mark, when someone gives you a sincere compliment, there are two words and only two words that you should say when you receive it. And those two words are, 'Thank you.' When you try to deflect from it, you're going to make the other person regret having given you that compliment and they're not going to want to give you another one."
His input was more of mild rebuke than it was a compliment, but I found it so helpful I said in response, "Warren, I have two words to say to you for that helpful coaching and those two words are, 'Thank you.'"